Lavalerian Counselling

Per aspera ad astra
"Through hardships to the stars"

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Issues that you might be experiencing

Anxiety

When faced with something that we believe is a real or perceived threat to our physical or psychological wellbeing, we may experience feelings (alarm, unease, worry, apprehension, fear,) and psychological reactions (difficulty breathing, tension and blood rushing to the muscles, faster heartbeat, adrenaline being released in the body) which are designed to prepare us for our self-preservation responses (fight, flight or freeze). In the case of a real threat, these responses are very useful. However, the feelings of anxiety can persist if there are many sources of perceived threats in our everyday life which can overwhelm our physiological and psychological responses to the point of nearly constant level of alert during a long period of time. This state of worry and anxiety can become constant, and it can start to effect functioning in our day-to-day life.

Attachment

Attachment is the way we emotionally bond and relate to other people, a baseline learnt from our primary caregivers when we were children and carried on into our relationships in our adult life. If we can better understand our attachment style, we can have a better insight into our own behaviour and emotional patterns in our adult relationships and connections. Our attachment style can help us understand our view on intimacy, conflict resolution, childhood experiences and resistance to emotional commitment. Attachment styles can be placed in four groups; anxious, avoidant, disorganised and secure. These attachment styles are formed in childhood depending on the experiences provided by our caregivers, but they can also change depending on our own life experiences, positive and negative.

Depression

Depression is an emotional state where we experience low mood, low self-worth and a lack of motivation accompanied by feeling hopeless or overwhelmingly sad, or related feelings, for a prolonged lenght of time and in such a way that it starts to affect our day-to-day functioning. Depression, classified as a mood disorder, does not discriminate when it comes to gender, age, belief or nationality and according to the World Health Organisation (WHO), more that 300 million people suffer from depression. The symptoms and signs of depression can depend on the person's character, socioeconomic and environmental stressors and other factors, but some common features can be low mood, loss of interest and enjoyment in hobbies, low energy, low concentration and attention, ideas of low self-worth and quilt, suicidal ideation and disturbed sleep, among others. However, depression can be present with very few of these features or it may not be present with many of these features manifesting in a person. It is important to reach out for help and support if these symptoms and features persist.

Grief

Sadness or depression, numbness, shock, helplessness, regret, guilt, anger or disbelief are universal emotional responses in the aftermath of loss. However, we are also unique in our responses and can experience a plethora of grief-related difficulties. With all these complicated processes, it can be difficult to imagine going back to life as it was or to ourselves as we were before the loss. There is no set of rules or a timeline in processing grief, it can be a long and cyclical experience with breakthroughs and setbacks. A part of processing grief can also be accepting a new version of ourselves that has been through loss and that can be difficult as well. Grief does not happen only when we lose a person in our life, it can also be a response to losing a job, relationship, a response to a medical condition or an opportunity taken away. Recognising and acknowledging your own process is something that can help along in healing and learning to live with loss.

Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem, which can be a lifelong struggle, or it can happen sporadically in our life, can be manifested as an inability to see our own qualities and abilities in solving problems. Low self-esteem can cause doubt about who we are and how accepted we are, to ourselves and to others. It sometimes represents a gap between what we are able to do and what we believe we're able to do and if that gap is substantial, low self-esteem can keep us in a position of accepting the bare minimum. Low self-esteem goes hand in hand with our sense of worth, our expectations and needs, and it cuts the lenses by which we see the world.

Burnout

Performing daily under constant stress can leave us feeling exhausted, disappointed, helpless, drained of energy and motivation. This state of emotional and physical distress when combined with prolonged exposure to the cause of stress, is called burnout. We can experience burnout in our professional lives, but also in our personal lives. The instinct there can be to just "push through" and "keep going a little while longer" while disengaging from family life, friendships and self-care. Burnout is a clear sign that things cannot go on as they were, that there needs to be a change of direction or a different strategy, one that includes ways of managing the everyday stress, put into place. Recognition of burnout, followed by taking a break and refocusing on self-care, is the first step in finding a way to better manage.

Stress

We all experience stress at one point in our lives and it is what happens when we feel overwhelmed, or it becomes extremely difficult to manage emotional or psychological difficulties or pressures. Many factors in life can cause stress such as environmental factors, life events or changes; often leaving us with a sense of not being able to control or predict outcomes, or when we feel like we are in danger. The way we manage stress can depend on a lot of factors, such as early life experiences, biological and social predispositions and our own personality traits. The stress response in our body is there to protect us from danger by supplying our body with hormones needed to fight or flight. This response has had a self-preservation role, but when it becomes difficult to ascertain what danger is real and what danger is perceived, our stress response can be triggered more often and for longer periods of time than needed. If we experience too much stress on a daily basis, this can effect our mental and physical wellbeing.

Panic Attacks

Panic attacks can be extremely frightening, can appear out of nowhere and they are accompanied by feelings of losing control, intense fear and severe physical reactions to no real danger or cause. They may feel very intense, unexpected and, even, paralyzing. Some symptoms may include heart racing, inability to breathe or take breaths without chest pain, perspiration, trembling or shaking, nausea or abdominal distress, among others. The difference between an anxiety attack and a panic attack is that panic attacks appear without cause or clear reason, which makes it a bit more difficult to determine why the body responds the way it does. Most panic attacks last between 5 and 20 minutes, but it does vary case by case depending on individual circumstances.

Relationships

Setting personal boundaries and establishing an open and honest line of communication are the cornerstones of any relationship. However, the boundaries can become blurred, or the line of communication becomes damaged or one-sided and we find ourselves in a relationship, or a dynamic, that is no longer serving us and we are left feeling unheard or ignored. It can be very difficult to reset our boundaries and reopen the line of communication from this point of view, when the relationship itself and its purpose in our life is in question. Interpersonal relationship skills are very important in everyday life.

What our clients say

When I experienced loss of a loved one, I thought that things could never get better.It was such a process. I'm getting to a point now where I'm able to appreciate the little things in life and feel happy again.

Anne Marie

It's hard to start counselling, it's basically sharing your most personal stuff with a stranger, but it gets easier over time and you can really feel the change in your life, if you are willing to engage in the process.

David

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